In times past, whenever women report their husbands to the church or families, they most times encourage the wives to pray for their husbands and expect a sudden change in their marriage.
Over time, women have been compelled to endure and manage the irresponsibility of their husbands while they become prayer warriors in the process.
Here is a better way to view prayer in your marriage.
God’s plan is not for you to pray every day for your husband to conform to your desires and expectations.
In Genesis 3:16b, one of the pronouncements made on the woman is that she will long after her husband and he will rule over her. The problem with this is that, when a woman longs and desires her husband all her life, she will eventually push him away through desperation or codependency.
Here is what God wants for you instead:
In praying for your marriage, He wants your focus to be on Him, not your husband. Meaning God desires you to be intimate with Him as your Lord and not just whining about your husband.
As you spend time with God in your solitude, He will begin to heal you of every bitterness and pain you may be experiencing by showing you new insights and perspective, showing you how your foundation and your husband’s foundation are permitting some patterns and how to close the gap. God will begin to show you your true identity, lead you to resources you should invest in, clothe you with His joy and love and the result will be a radiant life that will positively affect your life, marriage, parenting, and destiny.
In this process, he will lead you to books, scriptures, resources, mentors, and possibilities that can catalyze your growth.
Your new growth will help you understand the state of your husband and you will shift from anger to compassion, from revenge to intercession, and from a carefree woman to an intentional woman.
Can you now see that praying for your marriage is actually about who you will become and not what your husband will change into?
On your journey to becoming happy, whole, financially, emotionally, and mentally stable, your husband will be attracted to your new radiance and your attitudes or responses to some issues will change. Your identity will be transformed and you will not need to be defined by your husband’s actions anymore.
Seek he first the kingdom of God and all other things will be added unto you. Matthew 6:33
When challenges occur in your marriage and you feel that your husband is becoming distant and withdrawn, praying for him to change will only make you focus on his behavior rather than your transformation.
There is a woman you can become that will not become sensitive to some things he currently does.
Instead of focusing all your prayers on him, you should:
1. Seek to understand the genesis of the problem.
2. Understand how you can reduce the tension in the home by learning personality management and discerning any spiritual interferences that may be occurring from foundational gaps.
3. Heal from the deep wounds from your childhood that are resulting to fear of abandonment and rejection. Seek therapy and abide in God’s word that truly heals trauma.
4. Change your approach towards healthy communication. He won’t listen to you if your focus is the problem and how he is the cause.
5. Find out the top problems in your marriage and get resources that speak to them. This will change you first.
6. Be patient about the change you want to see because God is all about the process.
7. Enjoy being in God’s presence and seek Him for wisdom and strategy.
8. Learn to enjoy your space and not idolize him above your mental health.
9. Some of the issues you are currently facing maybe as a result of the baggage you both have.
10. As you work on yourself, God will also begin to encounter your husband through people, friends, resources, dreams, and inner witness. Your focus should not be on sending him every article you see online or preaching to him. Your obedience will lead to a direct influence on his life.
The more you are transformed, the more your marriage will experience a new shift.
Which of these will you start doing? Do you have different perspectives around praying for your marriage now?
If you also feel tensed in your marriage and need guidance now, you can read my free eBook on making marriage work when your partner acts difficult here: MAKING MARRIAGE WORK