Few years ago, while I was still with my ex, we had the best kind of relationship that didn’t last for long. I had been in several relationships before but this was the best as at then.

We exchanged poems. Visited new places together and most importantly, talk every time.

One of the signs I noticed which I ignored was our communication.

1. Communication is the lifeblood of every relationship and can determine a lot.

We used to talk almost every time as friends.
We talk during most of his break time at work for straight one hour aside the morning, evening, night and other interval calls.

When we started dating, it continued and I was forced to become a talkative because I needed to talk for a hour or more.

Suddenly, he began to reduce the number of calls which wasn’t the problem anyway.

The problem came when he started blaming me for the long calls. He said I love to talk a lot but I also knew that he was always the one forcing me to talk.

The moment you notice that you are the one forcing the communication, you need to do something about it. You can either talk about the reasons or observe the patterns well.

I talked about it with him and he said he needs to manage his airtime which is unusual. I began to feel bad about talking. I became scared to talk or be myself. That’s not a good sign.

2. Commitment level: Love requires a lot of action more than the words that describes it.

I proved that I was serious by making our relationship open and I spoke to my parents about it. He was happy about it and encouraged it. He also promised to take me home too but here is my mistake. I was too forward. I should have allowed him initiate such move but I was totally in love. It might be the right thing to do but it’s safer when a man makes the move most.

Later, he began to avoid taking me home. He began to accuse me of wanting to marry him at all cost. He stopped talking about marriage and started avoiding it or blackmailing me on it.

Though it’s necessary to know the plans of your partner in terms of marriage as a woman but you need to be careful not to be forcing it. The moment it seems like it is a “no-go-area” topic, you had better start thinking wise. Not all relationships must lead to marriage but if there is no major purpose around dating for 5years, what’s the point?

Another thing that I ignored was my life.

3. My life purpose: This was at stake. Prior before meeting him, I had started writing and inspiring people but the moment I got into the relationship, I re-focused all my energy on him alone. He loved me for being smart and beautiful, nothing else. The moment I started adding weight and stopped writing, there was no motivation for him.

I’m not saying we might still be together if I had continued writing and looking fit, it only showed me that the reason behind his love was external and could fade.

The moment you find yourself lost and blind, you need to pour water on your face to wake up again.

That’s why you need someone to mentor you when you get deep in love or learn about wrong signs.

If a relationship is not adding value to your life in any way, what’s the use then?

If a relationship is taking all of your energy, passion, strength, resources etc and not coming back in any way, something is wrong.

If you keep defending your partner’s flaws, covering your partner’s flaws, or feeling confused every time over trust issues and related, you need to evaluate the relationship again.

There are so many kinds of red flags or signals to note but I promised to write just three.

Have you been noticing this in your relationships?

What have you been doing about it?

Do you create time to have a heartfelt communication about your relationship frequently?

Does it look like you are in a parasitic relationship?

Do let me know your thoughts.

About the Author NikeFolagbade

  • Thanks for the piece, I was regretting my actions towards my ex before but now I’m free of the guilt. Thanks a bunch

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