Many people pause their personal growth and ambitions when their marriage is struggling. You wait for things to improve before pursuing your dreams, working on your skills, or embracing opportunities. However, putting your life on hold only leads to stagnation and frustration.
The Danger of Abandoning Yourself in Marriage
When facing emotional pain, some people respond by:
- Making excuses to avoid growth – Using marriage struggles as a reason to stop learning or evolving.
- Embracing hopelessness – Believing that nothing will change, which keeps them stuck in a cycle of self-pity.
- Focusing only on pain and tears – Spending excessive time dwelling on disappointments rather than healing.
How to Keep Thriving Despite Challenges
Instead of putting your life on hold, actively engage in:
- Skill-building and education – Taking courses, reading books, and developing new abilities.
- Meaningful work and service – Contributing to society or faith-based communities.
- Surrounding yourself with the right people – Community and mentorship can help you stay focused.
Getting the Support of Your Spouse in Your Purpose
As you begin to thrive in your personal growth and purpose, you may hope that your spouse will naturally support and cheer you on. However, in the midst of marital challenges, they may not even show interest in what you’re doing or offer any encouragement. This can be discouraging, but it’s important to recognize that their withdrawal may not necessarily be intentional unkindness—it could be a reflection of the emotional struggles they’re dealing with in the marriage.
Instead of waiting for their validation before moving forward, embrace your journey with joy and confidence. Keep building, keep learning, and keep growing. In many cases, as your spouse begins to see positive changes in you—your humility, emotional stability, and resilience—they may start to relax and take ownership in supporting you. When they see that you are flourishing in a way that strengthens, rather than threatens, the marriage, they will likely come around to encourage you.
Of course, there are situations where a spouse may be resistant due to deep-seated insecurities or control issues. If your spouse is deliberately trying to suppress your growth out of selfishness or a need to dominate, you’ll need to navigate the situation with wisdom. In such cases, setting healthy boundaries and seeking wise counsel will help you move forward without unnecessary conflicts.
Regardless of your spouse’s response, don’t abandon your journey. Over time, you will find support, mentorship, and new opportunities that will shape your growth. It may be tough doing things on your own for a while, but as you continue to navigate wisely, things will get better, and doors will open in unexpected ways.
Your life’s purpose does not end because your marriage is struggling. The more you invest in yourself, the more emotionally stable and fulfilled you become. Marriage is just one part of your life, and even during difficult seasons, you can grow, heal, and thrive.
If you wish to have a conversation on handling the challenges of marriage, I offer therapy and counselling sessions that can shift your marriage; you can begin here: send an email to hello@nikefolagbade.com