One of the major reasons why people go into relationships is for companionship’s sake. Imagine what happens when you are with someone who makes you feel like a pest? Not so good.
But then, what if there are reasons you are always attracting or accepting emotionally unavailable people? Let us start by defining emotionally unavailable persons.
They are people who lack commitment with you, don’t regard your time and energy and keep playing games with your emotions. They are not futuristic, they are simply in for the present tides or a benefit they are getting from you. Listen to this podcast on signs that you are dating an emotionally unavailable person to have a clearer understanding.
If you have found yourself having to make your relationships work alone, fix your partners, or have most of your desired kind of relationship only in your imaginations, then it is time to sit down and check out the following in your life.
- Is there a deep silent void you are trying to fill? Due to childhood emotional neglect that many people faced while growing up, there is an ever-growing desire to be validated, seen, and appreciated. Definitely, we want to feel loved and valued but if you never had that kind of assurance while growing up or no one truly showered complimenting words on you, it might make you feel unloved hence pushing you towards anyone who can make you feel good and happy. Notice that the emphasis is on feelings. Players, unserious people, and emotionally unavailable people know how to start with giving you a high dose of attention, a listening ear, and sending you compliments and flatterings at the beginning of a relationship, if this gets your attention from a person that looks like a dream partner, it can distract you from focusing on what you should truly be looking for before choosing to date. So, do an evaluation of your life now, have you truly felt loved while growing up? Are you truly secure in yourself? Do you wish to find someone who can just listen to you, validate you, and let you express yourself without any form of judgment? Remember how the Samaritan woman kept seeking for love in different men until she finally married 5 husbands who never met these needs until she met Jesus? This is a good place to start. Think back to when you were 2-10 years old. What were the significant experiences you had that have shaped your life now? If this is not the case, let us move on to another point.
2. They sense that you are too needy or desperate and withdraw: Sometimes, even when you date a healthy person, if they notice that you are constantly needing validation and attention, they might withdraw. If they also notice that you have some baggage you are yet to work on or you get too emotional over issues, it’s another reason for them to leave. So you might as well sabotage your relationships if you are projecting your insecurities which could have come from a place of not feeling loved or constant disappointments in the past.
3. You are dating for the wrong reasons: You might also be choosing the wrong people. The power to choose is in your court.
You may not have control over the people that come around you but whoever you choose to date is a reflection of your clarity and self worth.Nike Folagbade
Why are you choosing those kinds of people? Why do you enjoy being around someone like that? Do you like their personality? A sense of humor? Honesty? But deep down your mind, is that what you truly want? Are you truly living your desire? Is that what you want in the long term? Or are you just trying to be in a relationship?
4. You are not clear about who you want: This could be the major reason. And it’s strongly linked to the third point of dating for the wrong reasons. Dating someone means you agree that you are both compatible and can walk together. It also comes from being clear about your values. Examples of values are Spirituality, Love, Family, Integrity, Impact, Purity, Discipline, etc. If you date someone who doesn’t believe in God and you have a strong faith value system, how well does that work for you? Don’t bother trying to change people into what you want, find who you connect with and stick. There is no point in dating someone who thinks it is a waste of time to develop themselves while you are investing in personal development. This comes from also building friendships first before so that you can filter the beliefs and values. Don’t just jump into a relationship for short term feelings and purposes, observe bt asking the right questions. I talked clearly about Values and asking the right questions in my book: GET THE RING.
5. You are not sincere and authentic about your emotions. Every time you feel a check in your spirit concerning someone, it is better to pause and listen. There are times that you meet a person and feel no strong connection or desire to date but you fall because of the pressure and attraction. Be sincere with yourself, how self-aware are you? Have you paid attention to your personal development and emotional mastery? Can you sincerely say that you are loving from a place of wholeness? Are you just dating or consciously building yourself in the process? How exposed are you to knowledge, mentorship, or strong support system and modeling?
From all of these points, which could you relate to most? What will you start doing differently?
This is one of the reasons for the REAWAKENING MENTORING PROGRAM. Will you like to experience emotional healing, intimacy with God, clearer preparation towards choosing and keeping a healthy relationship, rediscovering yourself, and understanding your vision from God? JOIN US HERE
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