One day, I was having a conversation with a female friend and she began to lament about how she was skeptical about getting married to her fiancé. I was quite surprised because I felt they had a great relationship from the outward look. After much questioning, I realized that she wasn’t feeling FULFILLED by being with him. She wanted MORE but it was like she was the one pushing him to be more.
What more did she want? I’ll tell you.
Another time, I had a male client who also felt DISSATISFIED by his relationship. There were certain expectations that he had that were not met. As much as he knew that his girlfriend was good enough, she wasn’t just BEING the woman that he wanted. I used being because it connotes BECOMING.
So in this write up, you are going to learn why relationships becoming BORING and dissatisfying, how to avoid being a victim of a break up and what to do to move your relationship from GOOD to GREAT.
1. Living a simple life: In the Bible, three kinds of people were mentioned and put into categories; The simple, the foolish and the wise. The simple person is someone void of understanding, hardly learns and never seem to grow beyond their present level.
Some signs that reveals you’re a simple person includes; not wanting more out of life, being content with your comfort zone, expecting people to manage you the way you are, not exposing yourself to opportunities, not being smart enough to challenge the status quo and inability to defy odds.
Let me get practical.
When I was dating my husband, one of the traits he liked about me was my intelligence. Whenever he had an idea, he would table it before me and I will dissect it with questions that can help him to think, decide or pause. I also had a good way of learning and applying including the ability to help with complex issues. He loved this about me and that meant that even in marriage, I was going to be a contributing asset to making decisions.
Now, if you never challenge your partner to think and grow, you might just be too simple and easily replaced. People are moved by thinkers, doers and innovators. Do you fall in any of these categories? How well do you read? How well do you learn? How well can you communicate with people? There is no excuse not to learn these days because there are websites and platforms that can help you. You can read many books on Scribd, Bambooks, Okadabooks, Amazon and the likes. You can watch videos on YouTube and learn a skill, language or do a project via Google. It doesn’t matter that you don’t have enough academic education, you can always get more online so you have no excuse.
I currently have a monthly subscription on Bambooks and Scribd. I use Bambooks to read foreign books and Bambooks for Nigerian books.
With 3000+ per month, you get access to a lot of books on scribd and you can even read close to 4 ebooks every month if you’re a fast reader. If you’re interested, you can sign up here and can get a one month free subscription to get started and see what it looks like. Check it out for yourself: Register on Scribd
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2. You don’t have drive: A lot of people that have had sessions with me complained about the complacency of their partners. Nobody likes to keep pushing someone who can’t dream or act. You need to always set high goals and chase them. Living an independent life without being too clingy makes you attractive. But when your partner discovers that you are idle and simply wanting romance, they would some day get tired of you.
In this regard, you need to also be a man or woman with vision and goals. You can’t just be expecting life to happen to you. You need to happen to life. When the sparks of feelings finally fades away, reality will set in and your partner can leave you for not dreaming big.
3. You don’t invest in your appearance: There was a time that I never understood my body shape, fashion and skin care. I simply wore what I liked, didn’t take care of my body and was doing nothing special. But I realized that the kinds of men that I wanted were attracted to classy women. It was beyond being beautiful, it was about knowing how well to dress, smell, look, and the total aura of charisma and confidence. Can you rate your self in terms of fashion wise using 1-10? Do you take care of your hair? Do you dress according to your body type? Read here to learn about body shape
4. You have become a liability; If all you ever do is ask for money but never make it, you’ll soon become a liability. Some times what you need is a job not a relationship. A lot of people now make their partners sort their bills without doing anything to contribute. That can make your partner flee from you. It is good that you start learning how to save and invest from your single years before getting married so that you can grow and build more together with your partner.
If you have been struggling to save or invest, you should start using PiggyVest as it enables you save any amount you like daily, weekly or monthly and withdraw at a certain time plus they now allow you invest in the different options they have given. You can sign up with PiggyVest as I’ve been using it for over a year now. Click here
5. You don’t have a strong faith in God: Some people are very interested in being with someone they can serve God with. If your partner is big on spirituality and you are not, this can be a deal breaker.
6. You are insecure: If you are always acting insecure, this can be a turn off for some people. You need to learn to encourage yourself and build your self worth.
7. Character flaws: Love is sweet but it can be marred by wrong characters. Are you rude? Arrogant? Selfish? Envious? Indisciplined? All of these can influence your relationship negatively.
8. Difficult to satisfy: If you’re the type of person that is too critical, always nagging and difficult to satisfy, it can make your partner to withdraw and be alone.
9. Lack of excitement: If you don’t work on your relationship intentionally, nothing special will happen. You need to plan together, do activities together, communicate together and so much more.
10. Lack of effective communication and forgiveness: If you and your partner don’t communicate well, your relationship will remain stagnant. You also need to learn how to resolve conflicts on time. The moment you begin to go days and weeks keeping malice, you’re setting the wrong standard and foundation for your marriage yet to happen and one of one can decide to let go for this reason.
So what do you do if your partner have one or some of these issues stated above?
1. Be clear about what you want.
2. Communicate your expectations to your partner giving specific feedback that can spur actionable steps.
3. Encourage your partner by providing resources on the journey to change.
4. Be patient and do not expect a sudden change.
5. Be careful to criticize when they fail but speak positivity through the process.
If you’re also the guilty one:
1. Challenge yourself to grow.
2. Research on platforms that can help you.
3. Ask your partner about their expectations in the relationship.
4. Agree on some growth modes you want to take.
5. Seek support from your partner or accountability partners.
6. Evaluate your growth process frequently.
What do you do when your partner doesn’t want to change or become better?
1. Seek to understand why.
2. Be more patient to discover the hidden reasons.
3. Communicate more without nagging.
4. Seek coaching if your partner agrees.
5. Decide to leave if no changes occur after a while.
6. Work on yourself too and learn to be content and avoid having unrealistic expectations.
Which of these tips has helped you more?
Do you also have issues you battle with in your relationship that I didn’t mention or you have other suggestions on what can help?
Share about it in the comment section.
If you really want to move your relationship from good to great, you can read this post to help you GOOD TO GREAT.