When it comes to money and your relationships, money is capable of causing big disagreements. You need to approach money issues carefully.
Here are four things you should look into while building your relationship and looking into your money also:
- Respect your Individuality: You are both two individuals, single but in a relationship, you should still have more control over your personal funds. What you can do is to be accountable to each other but not in a way that it seems like you are controlling the other person’s money because you are two different people in a relationship. Your partner should be free to make money decisions that are healthy for them without the fear of what you would say. You can guide yourself into being financially responsible but not being controlling over it.
- Have an Agreement with Boundaries.
What are the things that the both of you can share together when it comes to money as per the relationship?
Do you both want to talk about your salary?
If you’re really interested in marrying each other, then both of you can openly talk about topics like that. But if you’re having certain doubts and fear, it means that both of you do not really trust each other very well yet.
What are the things that you can talk about now? What are the ways that you can both be accountable to each other now before you get married?
In terms of boundaries, do you want to talk about salary or can you talk about how you spend your money? Or is that really a bother? Or you can talk about savings and investments. Agree on what you wish to share and respect each other’s view. Also pay attention to how your partner is handling money issues because it reflects what can happen in marriage. You can give suggestions that can be beneficial to your partner.
- Understand your Partner’s Lifestyle:
What happens when your partner is always trying to depend on you for money? Is it because your partner does not currently have a job or they lost the job while in the relationship?
That can be understandable and it’s quite fine if you’re supportive at that point. But have you noticed that your partner is in the relationship because of the money?
For instance, if a man is always asking you for a huge amount of money for his business but there is no sign of implementation or execution for the money he’s been requesting for, then that’s a red flag.
What is he using the money for? Is he with you because of the money?
What exactly can you trace from his lifestyle?
Are you dating someone who is always squandering your money? Or are you a man dating someone that is always coming to you for luxury items and also demanding that you buy them the latest shoe or phone? That’s a red flag right there.
You don’t want to be with someone that’s so materialistic. This means that your partner sees the relationship as a means to and end. It is okay to give and help but not as an entitlement. You need to be able to understand your partner’s lifestyle and see if it’s something you’re comfortable with.
Whatever you allow continuously can ruin your relationship or even your marriage. Just know when things are going out of line and when it’s just you being a supportive person.
- Discuss Future Money Structure
Who is better with finances? Who is going to handle finances when you get married. How is your finance management going to look like? Are you going to open a joint account and also have a personal account? Or how are you both going to share responsibility?
These are some of the things you want to talk about so that you know if it’s something you can deal with or not. If someone tells you; “When we get married, I’m collecting all your money as the man of the house” or “I’m in charge of the money, whether he knows how to spend it or not”. That’s a red flag.
If the woman says; “When we get married, I’m going to stop working, you’re to provide all the money for me.” That’s also a red flag.
Discuss some of your beliefs and be open about it so that you do not end up with someone who is pretentious about what they really think.
For now, look into your relationship. How are you really faring in terms of money? Are you both having big issues around it?
Do you want to speak to a professional to counsel you on communication, expectations or finance issues? You should consider booking a session here.