I was discussing with a lady recently and she began to lament about how disturbing her ex can be especially now that she has started a new relationship.
He is either calling, texting or chatting her up. She has done her best to ignore him but it’s still not working. So I gave her few tips that can help her.
Have you had an ex who keeps coming after you few months or years after breaking up?
It’s a different ball game if you want to consider your ex or if you want to be a friend. The moment you find yourself in a state of healing or just starting a new relationship, your ex disturbance can become annoying and frustrating for you.
You might have an ex who keeps compromising her body to lure you into bed with her or other worse situations that can come from either the male or female ex.
Here are 7 ways to handle such and quickly move on with your life.
- Communicate clearly and bluntly about your decision: Sometimes, the way you communicate to your ex matters a lot. You should not be shaky or fearful about speaking up. Your tonality, body language and choice of words determines if your partner will take you serious or not. Do not try to be pitiful or scared about your points. Let your ex know that you are moving on or already in a relationship. Don’t compromise anything over that. Your ex can decide to become more disturbing even after speaking up your mind but might also listen and you don’t want to take away that chance. Speaking up your mind clearly or bluntly is the first step to letting it all end.
- Create the necessary boundaries: What about when your ex keeps calling, visiting or sending you gifts? Go ahead and communicate about how frequent the calls or chats should be. If you prefer once in 2 weeks over everyday, be clear about it. If you don’t want visitations, be clear about it. If you have to change your keys, do it also. If you have to ignore some chats, calls, and gifts, kindly do it. Sometimes, you need to also warn against petty seductive kisses, touch or dressing around you. Whatever you need to do to create the boundaries, make it known.
- Guard your heart and emotions: You need to protect your state of mind. Dwelling on thoughts around your ex behavior can disturb you from focusing. Mind how you discuss about your past with your ex, your ex sudden adventures and pestering. Keep your mind sane from negative thoughts. Your ex feelings isn’t your responsibility. You don’t have to do anything to make him or her feel good or stop loving you.
- Cut off your Ex when the disturbance becomes alarming: When you get to a point where the calls have become too frequent, the chats comes in every moment and other annoying forms of communication, save yourself from fighting over the phone or warning every time. You can simply block your ex from your social media account, your phone or other means of communication.
- Manoeuvre the environmental factor: Do you stay on the same street with your ex? Or do you work in the same company? It might even be that your ex is in the same church or school with you. What do you do? Take another street if you have to. Stop walking around the corner at the office or stop visiting your ex church or school departments. Every thing you need to do to avoid stumbling on each other should be done. No lazying around. Even if you see each other sometimes, avoid long conversations.
- Report extreme and annoying acts: If you find your ex always attempting to kiss you, threaten you, rape you, or force you into unhealthy traps, observe the measures and report immediately.
If you are in a new relationship, talk about it with your partner and handle it in a matured way.
If you can discuss with your family, friends, or spiritual authorities, do it.
If possible, report your ex extreme characters to the police.
Be careful not to fall into any trap, blackmail or fearful pranks of your ex.
- Defend yourself:
You may have to avoid walking alone, walking at night or being too careless. Be sensitive and vigilant when on the road or driving. You should also be prepared to defend yourself. Sometimes you can preferably go out in the company of your friends or store a number on your phone for emergency purposes.
It’s a normal phase in life but the way you handle it is more important.
Have you had a disturbing ex in the past?
How did you handle it?
What other suggestions do you have?
Kindly comment your suggestions, questions, contributions and feedback in the comment box below.