After one year of a blissful relationship, I suddenly began to notice a decline in our connection and communication.
Our everyday discussion became once in a while and our intimacy while discussing became dry. I asked questions but got no answer.
I began to try different measures to revive our love back but it became stressful as it felt like I was the only one fighting hard.
One day, I decided to visit him and sort things out but I got the shock of my life when I heard; “I want us go on a break”.
I have read it in novels and watched it in movies but I didn’t see it happening to me.
I was devastated and confused. It didn’t make sense to me.
I asked for the reasons and length but got no response.
I became clingy and needy. I broke the rules without knowing about it.
I wish I knew better but with my learned experience in my professional field now, I can help you handle it in a better way.
In this post, I will be sharing 8 things to do when your partner wants a break.
- Respect your partner wish without a violent outburst:
I know this may be hard to do but it only shows a healthy level of self esteem. Since it’s coming to you surprisingly, your reaction may not be well controlled but you can try managing the situation well without being too dramatic. Don’t start getting pushy or promising to do any odd things. Have the end in mind and do nothing you will not be proud of later.
- Take your time to analyse and ask questions:
You definitely want to understand why your partner wants a break and how long it will last. You might be lucky to get an answer even though I didn’t get any. Find out what went wrong and you might be lucky to strike up a conversation from there.
- Have an agreement:
You remember I mentioned breaking the rules I didn’t know exist? Yes!
Sometimes your partner might not want any form of calls, frequent visits or communication. You should know what is allowed and not allowed and control yourself to abide by it. It’s understandable that sometimes you might break the rules especially because of the love you have. You might even want to do some romantic surprises to make things change but be careful how it goes in case you are the only one seeing a relationship going on.
- Observe the lessons and experiences:
This period of silence is the best time to ask yourself what you learnt or gained in the relationship. You should ask yourself various questions before hoping for a come back. If you feel you were led into the relationship blindly or out of desperation, may be it’s time to set things right. There is always something to learn from every experience.
How compatible are you?
Check for all of these high points before wanting the relationship back or fighting for it.
- Work on your self esteem:
This is going to be a very sensitive and challenging period for you so you need to be careful about the beliefs you are creating for yourself and the self image you are building on.
This is not the time to play the blame game and feel you are not good enough. It’s never your total fault. It’s always on both sides so admit that you may have done something wrong or not. Regardless of what you did, never look down on yourself. Don’t hate on love or relationships but wish for the best. When you portray a high level of self esteem, it will also help your partner respect you from afar. The fact that it didn’t work out like you planned doesn’t mean you are unlucky, it could actually be a blessing in despise. Don’t hate men or women because of your past relationships, it can blind you from appreciating good people when you meet one. God also have a way of teaching us simple truths in our relationships before leading us on to the right place. It can be a moment of discovery for you or character formation.
- Get a support system:
You might need to talk to a trusted friend(s), family, or counselor to help you feel better and open your eyes to the real facts of the issue. Handling it on your own might be difficult so speak up and feel more relieved.
- Get busy with your life:
There is a way you begin to act and live that becomes admirable to your partner. You need to avoid being a worthless human but become valuable and responsible. Work on projects, go on a personal self discovery journey and explore. Give your mind reasons to appreciate the YOU you are becoming. Read books, attend trainings and learn.
- If it’s getting too long, take a walk emotionally:
If you discover that after so many months running into a year or years, your partner hasn’t gotten back to you, then you may need to move on.
You don’t have to communicate with your partner about it but simply do it either by imagining speaking to your partner and calling it off or writing a letter where you express your mind and bid for the end. The brain doesn’t recognize the difference between imagination or reality.
Reaching out to your partner might be unnecessary since he or she might have moved on.
Start your healing journey, focus on getting better and take it as part of your learning process.
It simply means there are better people out there for you and you will meet one soon. I’m sure of this because after going through that phase, I became better and positioned myself. After some years, I met my husband and we have been happily married. You can find out in my book where I shared the full story here: HOW I GOT THE RING
How did you handle yours?
Talk to me about it.
You can also listen to my podcast on this same topic here: WHAT TO DO WHEN YOUR PARTNER WANTS A BREAK