Marriage is a beautiful journey, but it comes with its own set of fears and challenges. Conquering these fears before you say “I do” can lead to a more fulfilling and enduring marriage. Here are five common fears and practical, scripture-based advice on how to overcome them.
- Fear of Marriage:
In today’s world, the media often highlights the negative aspects of marriage, which can create fear and doubt in singles.
Sarah watched her parents’ marriage fall apart and constantly reads news about divorces, making her skeptical about marriage. Many singles are like Sarah and I counseled one recently, she had so much fear about marriage due to the news and she kept postponing their wedding plans until the guy couldn’t handle it anymore.
Tackle such fear with this scripture: “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.” — 2 Timothy 1:7
How to Conquer This Fear:
- Reduce exposure to negative platforms: Limit your consumption of negative news and focus on positive stories.
- Seek out healthy marriages: Find couples who exemplify a strong, healthy marriage and learn from them.
- Pray and build faith: Ask for strength and wisdom to overcome your fears. Cultivate a positive mindset.
- Question your fears: Reflect on your fears and challenge them with truth and positivity.
- Fear of Choosing the Wrong Partner
Choosing the right partner is crucial, and the fear of making the wrong choice can be overwhelming.
John worries that his fiancée might not be the right one because he’s seen many relationships fail due to poor partner choices. Actually, John is even more concerned about how his fiancée, Tade keeps reacting over many issues that bothers her. She seem not to be able to manage her anger and this heighten the fear that she may be a wrong choice for him. To worsen it, she threw a mug at him during a recent argument that got heated.
Meditate on this Scripture: “Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?” — 2 Corinthians 6:14
How to Conquer This Fear:
- Check for character and alignment: Ensure your partner’s values, beliefs, and goals align with yours.
- Assess consistencies: Look for consistency in their behavior and actions over time.
- Evaluate love and commitment: Make sure there is mutual love and commitment. Seek wisdom from trusted mentors and loved ones.
If you are like John, these highlighted points can give you some form of clarity.
- Fear of Falling out of love:
The fear that love might fade can cause anxiety about the future of your relationship. And it is a very valid fear, but the truth I will share on this will set you free.
Read this scripture slowly with understanding and pray for revelation: “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.” — 1 Corinthians 13:4-5
How to Conquer This Fear:
- Show up with kindness and actions: Continuously invest in your relationship through acts of kindness and love.
- Commitment over emotion: Remember that love is a choice and a commitment, not just a feeling.
- Cultivate daily love: Make intentional efforts to nurture your relationship daily.
So you see, in marriage, love is not just the beautiful feelings in your tummy, it is the decision to commit to your partner every day through intentional acts of kindness and positive thoughts.
- Fear of the Unknown:
The uncertainties about what marriage might bring can be daunting. If you are like Emily then your fears are truly valid. Emily is anxious about how her life will change after marriage and whether she can handle the responsibilities. She is a career woman and she wonders how she can balance career, family and the new realities of marriage with time.
Be encouraged with this scripture: “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” — Matthew 6:34
How to Conquer This Fear:
- Embrace uncertainty with faith: Trust that God will guide you through the uncertainties.
- Prepare and plan together: Discuss your future and make plans, but remain flexible.
- Support each other: Lean on each other for support and reassurance.
- Fear of Vulnerability and Intimacy
Opening up completely to another person can be scary.
Some men fear that being completely vulnerable with their partner will expose their weaknesses and make them feel insecure. This also happens with women, so you need to marry a mature person. During your courtship, you are supposed to observe these patterns
This Scripture also reveals that no one is above mistakes and love covers many things: “Above all, love each other deeply because love covers over a multitude of sins.” — 1 Peter 4:8
How to Conquer This Fear:
- Build trust: Develop deep trust with your partner through open and honest communication.
- Embrace vulnerability: Understand that vulnerability can strengthen your bond and lead to deeper intimacy.
- Seek God’s guidance: Pray for the courage to be open and vulnerable with your partner.
- Check to see that your partner aligns with you and can be a worthy partner in this area.
If you are seeking to find clarity around alignment and compatibility with your partner before you get married, download this free guide now for guidance on this. It is titled Premarital Compatibility Checklist: Download here
Addressing and conquering these fears before marriage can pave the way for a strong, enduring relationship. By focusing on positive examples, seeking alignment, committing to love beyond emotions, embracing uncertainties with faith, and building deep trust, you can enter marriage with confidence and joy. Remember, God’s guidance and wisdom are always available to help you navigate these fears and build a thriving marriage.
I want to recommend that you also avoid any pitfalls and overcome most challenges ahead by signing up for our Settling in Bliss premarital class here