Have you ever wanted a hug but your partner gave you a light handshake?
Have you ever preferred to end the call with “I love you” but your partner was more eager to hang up without being a little romantic with you?
Have you ever wanted your partner not to advise you but simply listen to your stories and cuddle you?
How did you feel when you didn’t get what you wanted?
Bad? Worried? Sad? Unloved? Fill in the blank………..
Do you know that we all have different expectations from our partners and our expectations are formed from the movies we have watched, books read, our parents way of loving each other, your perception etc?
What that means is that, your partner doesn’t know all of your makeup. He or she doesn’t know your expectations.
Here are some ways of handling expectations.
1. We all have expectations. Good or bad but not all are valid. That means, it’s not all you want you must get.
2. Test your expectations. Why are you wanting it? Any selfish motives? For better understanding?
3. Communicate about it. I keep wondering why people can’t communicate easily about their feelings, desires and expectations. If you and your partner can’t sit down to talk with yourself, then that’s an issue.
Nothing to talk about or you don’t connect to that level? Or you are scared?
Talking is different from communication and words form just 7% of your communication. The other percentages are attributed to Tonality and Physiology.
Tonality is how you say it. Were you loud? Harsh? Polite? Gentle?
Physiology deals with your body language, gesture and approach.
Does your body gesture speak something else?
All these can affect your communication including the meanings attached to it so it’s good to be clear or request for an explanation.
Exercise: Is there something you have always wanted your partner to know about your love language, apology language, your emotional needs etc?
Go ahead and create a lovely moment then discuss it politely by explaining why it matters to you, the different way your partner can achieve your needs and other things needed.
You need to understand that your partner won’t adjust 100% immediately. For some, it might be instant and for others, it might take a while of constant corrections but let it always be done in love and patience.
If after explaining so much and for so long, and your partner doesn’t even care to adjust or help the relationship then that’s a critical factor that needs to be checked. Find out why, intentional or unconsciously affected?
Hope you have learnt something? What few things so you wish your partner can do for you?