Marriage is a beautiful institution to grow and evolve in but some things can threaten how you navigate and one of such limitations is FEAR. I got into my marriage with fear. I had heard a lot during the wedding process and I started to look out for any changes that may occur.
Shortly after marriage, I noticed some changes in my hubby and I started wondering about it. Our differences became obvious even though we seemed alike while courting. Our personality started clashing and then in between, I started noticing unusual warfare ongoing. The Lord started revealing things to me via my dreams and words of knowledge but I didn’t pay attention to it on time.
So fear became my best friend. I would panic over everything and start trying to control, question, or assume. I became suspicious, paranoid, and controlling.
Worse still, I became aggressive and rude and my hubby started building a wall in defense.
Communication breakdown started and we also started drifting apart.
FEAR is one of the tools the enemy use in wrecking homes and it comes through various means.
It can come via the whispers of the enemy, your dreams, wrong assumption, wrong modeling, twisted communication, etc.
He starts with this fear so that with your mouth, you can declare the wrong words that will start manifesting in your marriage.
Fear can be influenced by what you witnessed while growing up or the mistake your partner made in the marriage.
When the enemy begins to suggest a repeat of evil occurrences, the way you respond to fear is with the Word of God. Most unpleasant experiences that happen in marriage would have been curbed if issues were managed well, at the right time, in the right way, and with the right approach through discernment and wisdom.
2 Timothy 1:7 NIV For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love, and self-discipline.
Another way this fear shows up is through your dreams. You may find yourself dreaming about conflict, cheating, separation, and so on. The mission of the enemy is to create strife and enmity between you and your spouse. You need to avoid confronting your partner on these issues and pray them away. On rare occasions, God may be revealing secrets to you but the only way to spot a true revelation and a lie of the enemy is through prayer and seeking clarity and confirmation.
The strategies can be a combination of negative dreams, wrong thoughts, wrong actions, and negative words.
Most times, especially women, become paranoid and face issues too quickly with confrontation and nagging leading to withdrawal, strife, and tension in the home.
This may also be happening because one or both of you have a foundation that permits such warfare like being from a polygamous home or you grew up seeing your parents experiencing separation, loss, or a toxic marriage.
Here are few ways to get started:
- Highlight the areas of great worry and concern to you in your marriage. Journal it down in your notes.
- What is the truth on this issue? Why do you struggle in that area? What do you think is happening?
- What does God think about this issue that gives you concern? This is why you need a strong relationship with God. Speak to him for he is willing to respond if you abide in Him.
- Get scriptures on these areas of concern and declare it over your home daily. Ask the Lord to turn around the things that are actually real especially if you can’t communicate about it easily. Ask the Lord for a Word that you can stand on because that Word (power) is what you need to wage against the devil and ask for the adjustments (wisdom) you need to make.
- You can research scriptures for dealing with fear, disunity, and confusion in the bible or on Google and meditate on them.
- Speak to a trusted counselor on godly counsel.
The goal is to be able to host the presence of God in your home not just using mere words and attitudes to fight for justice, that doesn’t work. The enemy is out to destroy marriages and our battle is not against flesh and blood but against principalities and power that causes strife through human interferences.
If you are experiencing challenges in your marriage, do you sense that the challenge you face is just human issues or interferences from the enemy aimed at wrecking your homes? What can you start doing differently?
If you also feel tensed in your marriage and need guidance now, you can read my free eBook on making marriage work when your partner acts difficult here: MAKING MARRIAGE WORK