Love is not the only reason to start a relationship. Beyond love, there should be more to offer. If a relationship lacks these vital capsules, then it would be of less value. You need to work hard to make your relationship work else it crumbles.
I will be highlighting 10 things that can destroy your relationship. As you read, ponder on them, evaluate yourself on the attitudes you are guilty of and work towards a better life this new year to enjoy your relationship.
1. Unforgiveness and Bitterness:
I really love to start with this because of its effects. It deals with the mind. Its a strong emotion that can affect your relationship. Its normal to argue and have misunderstandings but its abnormal to keep records of wrong doings. Why would a fresh argument come, and you start bringing up all the wrongs that has happened weeks and months back. Its possible you don’t forget all but do forgive. One great aspect of love is forgiveness and God has always demonstrated it to us. Unforgivness creates a gap in your connection, even your communication breaks down. If you have an unforgiving spirit, may the Lord touch you and give you a new heart. Keeping feeding on the word of God and your mind will be transformed.
2. Lack of good communication:
Without a good communication thread, everything would seem awkward. Its very necessary for you to always connect with your partner daily. Talk about your day, life goals, new developments , spiritual walk with God et al. There is nothing like being too busy. Spending 5minutes before you sleep after an hectic day is better than no communication at all.
Is your relationship suffering from a communication break down? There are two ways to it. Its either your partner is truly busy. Its better you find ways to adjust your schedules and let your partner time fits in. It could also mean you are drifting apart because its all fading away. Your partner could lost interest or be spending time with someone else. Find out which reason it is and work on it. Just make sure you don’t force yourself on a partner that has left the scene a long time ago.
Be a good listener. Listen to what they have to say and pay attention to it. Respond with gestures and questions to show you are listening. Don’t be quick to ignore them especially women. Listen in all manner and be ready to listen for the sake of understanding and giving positive response too.
3. Lack of trust:
Most people keep saying they can’t trust a man or woman. If you live your life pondering on whether to trust or not, you might just miss out on some benefits from some people. The human nature can be deceitful quite alright but you need to learn to expect anything. Stop judging people. Be free and be careful with people. People might betray you but work on your mind towards them. If you keep thinking that your partner is cheating on you, then you are opening the door for the devil to make something happen. If you have been cheating on your partner, you would also think your partner is cheating too. Bottom line is, learn to avoid thinking negative.
4. Having no spiritual covering:
Its wrong to be in a relationship and have no spiritual covering. You should seek God’s counsel. Pray that God direct you both. You should also involve your pastor to guide and counsel you. Having a carefree relationship isn’t too polite if you are heading to marriage. If you are hiding your relationship from your parent or pastor then it means something is wrong with what you do.
5. Insecurities :
Insecurity is a state of being subject to danger and vulnerability. It is a state of uncertainty. Insecurity can come in various forms like fear, jealousy, obsession etc. You need to stop having the fear of loosing your partner, rather be conscious of not loosing yourself in the relationship.
Jealousy is a state of suspicious guarding towards your spouse or partner. When you get too jealous over your partner, you can do and undo. You need to control that rage of jealousy in you. Other guys or ladies would always be around your partner, so you need to learn to calm your nerves down and stop drawing assumptions or conclusions. Express your feeling to your partner but not as if you are weak. You don’t always have to monitor who was on phone with your partner, where they are or what they are doing. Its just a sense of insecurity towards your partner.
Obsession is a dangerous feeling too. You must learn not to be over possessive over your partner. Stop making it a do or die affair.
Whether in a relationship or marriage, avoid unnecessary fear, jealousy and obsession over your partner.
6. Lack of commitment:
Its wrong to expect love to do it all for you in a relationship. You need to show commitment towards making it better than the previous times. Put in all efforts, time and ideas that can make the relationship grow. Don’t expect an outsider to make it work. Don’t feel love is enough. Put in that same passion you put before you got her. Put in that same sense of fashion and wholeness you had while he was chasing you.
Be affectionate to your partner. Don’t always assume that they know how you feel for them. Men love to feel loved and women loves to hear sweet words too.
7. Having no future plans:
There is no point being in a relationship with no future. Don’t be deceived! Why would a man date you for 5years before choosing to marry you or not. 2years is even too much. 6months is enough to make a decision. That is the purpose of friendship before a relationship. Its a time to observe, ponder, evaluate, decide to make it work or not. Avoid time wasters in your life. Some men and women don’t even know what they want. They would date you for years and later tell you they don’t see anything working out. Beware!!!
8. Allowing third party interference:
Its normal to have misunderstandings in your relationship. It makes you get to know each other better. Understanding your partner is a gradual step that you need to work on. You don’t need to always table your differences to them. You don’t know what they have in mind for you.
9. Lack of knowledge:
Knowledge is a vital necessity for any relationship to succeed. You need to know your love languages, temperament and personality differences. You might not know this if you don’t get to read about it. Why not make it a duty to buy books that can help your relationship positively and work towards knowing yourself better. You might find out so much when you do. Listen to messages and apply wisdom in your approach.
10. Lack of Support:
What’s is the point being in a relationship with you if you have nothing to offer? Don’t always plan to receive always, be willing to give. Support your partner with ideas, finance(according to your capability), counsel etc that can make them better in their career, ministry or life goals. Don’t be the quiet or clueless partner who is always listening and not giving any quality response. Men love women who can contribute meaningful ideas to their plans.
Is there something I forgot to add? Do drop your comments and let’s learn all the way thorugh.