One of the things that God taught me earlier in my marriage is knowing when to express myself.
Whenever I feel discontented or dissatisfied about the things happening in the marriage, I will be quick to want to talk about it.
My husband is calm but I’m the active one so it will look more like I want to talk right now and get the instant solution but my husband will prefer not to talk if he knows it will lead to unending arguments. So I will begin to whine and assume thereby causing more commotion just to get what I want. One day, God started to talk to me about understanding the mood of my spouse and choosing the right time to talk. He also made me understand that there are some matters that should not be discussed yet until I have sought wisdom from Him. So, from then, I started to watch and pray.
To watch means discerning if the timing or atmosphere is right to discuss issues, checking his mood, and then focusing on creating a bond without any fuss. It will be difficult to speak with your spouse when he is hungry, angry, broke, tensed, and irritated.
When you are also having dreams that display conflicts and irritating issues about your spouse, it is better to pray and rebuke it instead of trying to confront your spouse about it, it may just be the enemy causing distractions for you.
Praying is to understand the true perspective of the issue from God’s lens, gaining the wisdom to speak, and then receiving the favor to conquer any defenses that may want to stand in the way.
Has this worked? Definitely.
But I had some challenges in the beginning.
I always wanted to talk at my own timing based on my emotional impulses, in my own way, using my same old approach but I kept meeting a wall. There were some issues that the enemy was trying to twist from a simple matter to an elongated matter but it took discernment to spot those moments.
In hosting the presence of God in your marriage, you will need to have an active walk with God so that you can discern and listen to wisdom per time. The Holy Spirit is your friend and He helps you to navigate the tough seasons. He also gives us the grace to wait when we feel compelled to make a point.
I have seen people carelessly ruin their marriage because of issues like confrontation, defensiveness, arguing, stubbornness and pride even when they can sense that there is warfare in that marriage. You cannot battle with words and body language, you need to learn how to honor God in your marriage by using his own techniques. And when there is warfare, your human strategies won’t work.
Have you had an experience where you focused on expressing yourself but ended up the wrong way? What did you learn from it?