The truth is that all of our parents are sinners (like us) and they make mistakes. Sometimes they make big mistakes, and sometimes they ask us to do things that we know God wouldn’t want us to do. In that case, when you would have to offend God in order to obey your parents, you should respectfully decline. In the same way, He asks us to obey our leaders, but when our leaders ask us to do something offensive to the heart of God, we should, again, respectfully decline. For a beautiful picture of this you should read the stories of Daniel and his friends, Rack, Shack and Benny, in the book of Daniel (LOVE those men jawe!).
Now the question becomes,
Is what your parents are asking of you offensive to the heart of God?
Keeping in mind that they’re older than you so they have wisdom you don’t, and I’m assuming they love you, and (I realize I don’t know them) that they have your best interests at heart. If all that is true, there has to be a good reason they’re saying “no” to this relationship.
My advice to you would be to RESPECTFULLY talk with them about it. Find out where they’re coming from, if they’ll talk with you, and LISTEN to them. Treating people with honor or respect means you listen when they speak and you assume the best of them. Find out what their concerns are so you can see the bigger picture that they’re seeing. When our hearts are caught up in something, we often can’t see the danger that’s right in front of us, but those around us can. So if their points are the likes of the person involved is a robber, not working as a man then you cant but listen but if their points includes he or she is not tall, from so and so family or tribe, he is not yet using car etc then you should know you are not to follow their advice though LISTEN.
Steps to take
The following are steps to take when they choose not to accept your partner giving some UN biblical principles.
1. What is the Lord saying to you? do you have peace in my mind when you think settling down with person? its all start from you.
2. What is your pastor saying about the relationship? Every one should have a pastor even pastors, your pastor is your spiritual father who also has a say when it comes to marrying someone. Is your pastor positive about the relationship? if no then you might need think well, is there something you can see that they are seeing? “In the mouth of two shall the truth be established” both your parents and pastor cant be saying the same thing wrongly at the same time. If your pastor is positive about the relationship then you still have more steps to take.
3. Pray committing your parents heart into Gods hand remember “The heart of the king is in the hand of the creator” let your pastors join you in prayers, don’t rush, if it worth waiting for then be ready to wait.
4. Tell elderly men you know your parents normally listen to and take their advice, convince these people well as they are your spokesmen probably they will be talking to your parents when you are not there, Its how far you are able to convince them they can convince your parent because know that your parents will also try to make them see to their reasons. Note that these elderly men could be from church, work place etc.
5. Go ahead and marry if they still dont accept after following carefully the above steps.
Kenneth. E. Hagins shared a story in one of his books, a 24year old lady who after her mum has initially accepted the man in question later called her daughter that she should not marry till after a year, he said he told the lady to go ahead and do the wedding. That Hagins did this doesn’t make it right but its just the fact, parents don’t have all the say over their children when they have grown up. The bible says parents should train up their child in the way of the Lord and when He is grown he will give you peace. Parents are to train their children when they are young, they are expected to train them biblically before they are eighteen, if you as a parent you still have to make decision for your child at 18 then you should be questioned, questioned for not training them to a level you have confident in them, remember the bible says you are not suppose to provoke them to anger.
Thanks for reading.