We are gradually moving to the end of the year and if you are like me, you are busy thinking about your New Year’s resolution and 2015 goals. When you think of goal setting, it’s not a sexy topic. At first blush, you might not think about goals and your relationship at the same time. However, unless you give attention to your relationship, it will stay the same. I just love that quote defining insanity:
“Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.”
So ask yourself: Has your relationship been “stuck?” Are you going insane? Maybe it’s time for you and your partner to start creating some relationship goals.
For example, if you are dating casually, you may have a goal to advance the relationship to exclusivity. If you are in an exclusive relationship, you may have a goal to get engaged, get married and move in together. If you are happily married, you may have a goal to build an extraordinary relationship. If you are unhappily married, you may have a goal of reviving your relationship.
Individual Goals vs. Joint Goals Made Simple
There are two categories of relationship goals:
(1) Individual goals about the relationship, and
(2) Joint goals about the relationship.
Here is an example of each. “I want to become a better listener” is an individual goal. “We will add more play and fun to our relationship by making an extra date night on Wednesdays and help our relationship more by choosing a day in the month for prayer and fasting” are joint goal. Here’s the difference: with the joint relationship goals, both partners must agree to them and participate in them.
Take These Capsules
1. On your own, revise your own individual goals for the new year. These individual goals include personal goals and individual relationship goals. These do not need to be agreed upon, and sharing is optional.
2. Next, individually write some ideas for joint relationship goals.
3. Share your joint relationship goals with each other and begin the process of crafting mutually agreeable joint goals. When you both come up with a similar goal, it’s easy to meld your individual versions into a common goal. When they don’t meld, discuss them. Some become joint goals, and some get pitched.
Things Not To Forget
Make your goals comprehensive, covering all aspects of your relationship: home, family, work, leisure and finances. Ask two questions that help you create your joint goals: (1) What do you value in your relationship, and (2) What do you want to improve in your relationship?
Write down your goals. Why? The kinetic energy of hand writing goals seems to help with the manifestation process, though I type mine most times, I believe it works same way. Your goals, whether joint or individual, become clearer and easier to understand when written. Most importantly, you can refer back to your written goals to see how you are doing. This helps you stay committed.
Benefits Of Planning Your Relationship For New Year
First: You connect to each other as you dream about your future together.
Second: You discover where your dreams are not in alignment and decide how to deal with that without judging or arguing
Third: You create action steps that will ensure your success as a couple.
“Hold an image of the life you want, and that image will become fact”.
The Fun of Sharing Your Individual Goals With Each Other
Although your individual goals don’t necessarily have anything to do with your relationship, choose to share these with each other. This helps you understand what is important to each other. Intimacy is instantly created. Furthermore, you find ways to help and support each other accomplish your goals. For example, Lanre has a goal to read a book everyweek and Rose has a goal to write an article every day. Support each other by asking each other daily their goals and discussing the achieved.
Here it is–an oldie but goodie–like business goals, relationship goals should be S.M.A.R.T.: Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic and Timely. The more your goals embody these five characteristics, the more likely you will achieve them.