Samuel: ‘When next are we going to see?’
Janet: ‘I’m not sure, I will be busy this week.’
Samuel: ‘You are always busy, you never have my time. It’s so unfair.’
Janet: ‘Can’t you understand?’
Does that sound familiar?
Let’s take a look at another scenario.
John: ‘I called to say that I would not be able to make our appointment this evening. Something came up in the office.’
Whitney: ‘Why? Can’t you tell them you have other commitments?’
John: ‘I’m sorry, my boss may misunderstand my excuse.’
Whitney: ‘Can’t you be a man about it? You don’t always have my time.’
John: ‘I’m sorry. I will make it up to you. I promise.’
Does that resonate with you?
How does it feel like to have a partner who keeps complaining about not having enough time for the relationship?
Won’t it be better if you could sort things out in a better way?
There are two forms of “being busy”. It could be either unintentional or intentional.
It can be intentional if your partner doesn’t really care about you and just likes finding quick excuses to focus on making money or doing other things
It can also be unintentional if your partner tries to make things work but may not be able to keep up with all the commitments to you.
You need to understand which of these is playing out by observing the patterns around the excuses, their sincerity in the past and if they sometimes make it up to you.
Let’s assume that your partner really cares about creating more time for you and they have been clueless on how to get around it. The outlined tips below can make it better.
There are so many things that can be done to relieve your partner even when they have a busy schedule.
Sometimes, beyond complaining about not getting enough attention, you can show a little form of care by getting involved. This in turn makes it easier for them to include you in every step they take.
1. Ask questions: Make it a point of duty to ask questions about their business or job. Feel some form of concern. “How was work today?” “Hope you were not too stressed. “What can I do to make it easier or better?” You need to deliberately show that you understand and want to make it better by talking about it.
2. Listen: Sometimes, all your partner wants is your listening ear not your criticizing or murmuring lips. The more you complain and nag, the more they withdraw. You want them closer in your hands, get closer to their heart. It’s a simple but tasking logic. Listen to their cries, they may even be stressed and need someone to make them feel better. Be the one. If your partner has Quality Time as a primary love language, this is the best way to spend time by listening and showing that you care.
3. Show some for of encouragement: Let’s assume that your partner works with a demanding boss, do you know how frustrating that can be? Imagine being faced by unsatisfying customers, that can also be frustrating. When your partner calls to complain or tell you about it, don’t be quick to shun or complain too. I learnt this the hard way. Be polite enough to say some positive words that can soothe their heart and mind. Let them know they are the best. Compliment your partner often. Let them be sure you are the go-to friend to talk to. If your partner has Words of Affirmation as a primary love language, you can use this to reassure your love and care towards their well being.
4. Offer to help: If your partner is self-employed, it’s easier to show some form of helping hand. Be willing to help in one area that you are capable of. Even if your partner works for someone, you can assist by making research or making reference to what can be of help. Especially if your partner has Acts of service has a primary love language, offering to help can be a quicker way to get their attention fully.
5. Make it timely: If you intend to express your mind about how much time you think should be created for each other, be careful not to express it at the wrong time. If your partner is stressed, moody or angry, choose another time to talk about it. It is okay to express your feelings once in a while to serve as a reminder that you really want a “Us-time”. Try not to use words like “never or always”, for instance, say “When you don’t spare some time, I feel left out” not “You always make me feel bad” or “You are never there for me.” That’s extreme and can hurt your partner. It also erases what they have done in the past.
6. Give them new ideas: Maybe your idea can just turn everything alive again, who knows? Get acquainted with your Partner’s job or business, make research that can help, talk about latest trends and how they can tap into it, etc. Your idea can be the solution to a frustrating assignment in the office. When my partner used to complain about me not giving ideas, I always wondered what help or services I could render. I had to pause a bit and think of ideas that could help and I finally did. You can too.
7. Do a follow up series: It’s not just about offering to help, it’s also about doing a follow up on the suggestions and ideas you mentioned. Talk about it again, remind them of what to do, listen more as usual and keep giving your ever encouraging words.
8. Make it frequent: I know it can be fun to learn new things and try it just once. Even after helping at first, make a conscious step to talk about work or business every week or 2 weeks. This helps you position yourself as a true friend. Set reminders for yourself incase you forget.
9. Be patient: All of these will only make sense when you add some level of patience. It takes time but patience wins it all. Things will get better along the way.
What else can you do? Based on your partner’s kind of job, routine or business, what else can be unique to them? This is the best way to task your mind on what and when to give your best.
At the end of the day, your partner will be forced to create time for you rather than withdraw from you. Don’t you think you can win their heart again?
Let’s make this work.
What have you learnt? What will you start doing? Let me have a feedback from you.
Thanks for reading.