My Thoughts on \”Can a woman ask a man out?\”


This is my own opinion, you are permitted to disagree.

Due to long held beliefs about men being the only gender to find what they want relationship wise, it has become a notion that women cannot approach a man because it makes her look desperate.

What I think is this;

There is nothing wrong in a woman approaching a man for friendship purposes because that is the first thing that can happen. You definitely cannot approach a man the first day and ask him out for a relationship.

Approaching a man may look condensing in nature due to the beliefs around it but there are ways to it.

First, you can meet a man in two different scenarios. It\’s either you spotted him for the first time or you are closely knitted in the same environment like office, church, associations etc

I will pick the scenarios separately.  If you meet him in a one time opportunity scenario and you are not sure you will meet him again and you sincerely like him, you can do the following:

Approach him with a smile, confident look, introduce yourself and create a sincere, friendly and reasonable conversation. You have to be careful not to sound desperate but make it simple. You can tell him you like his shirt, look, perfume fragrance or any true compliment and move to another interesting conversation while you give an open room to become friends. If he likes you enough already, he can exchange contacts with you. If he doesn\’t seem to appreciate your move, he might ignore and you don\’t have to feel bad about it. It may not be about you. Maybe he is not in a good mood, doesn\’t have the time, is in a faithful relationship, thinks you are a flirt or you want something or believes it\’s wrong for a woman to approach him.

All you have done is to create an open conversation, and just like it has been advised for a man not to pester a woman after getting her contacts, you can start off with a call appreciating his welcoming nature and ask few questions as you end the call without sounding desperate. If he likes you like I said before, he will respond.
If you always meet in a close environment or it was at the cinemas, events or related, you can start with a topic based on the environment or topic treated at the seminar. Give a valuable conversation and he will be willing to have more of you. Close the deal with an exchange of contact as you take it on from there.

In between, let me ask a question: \”Have you met a man who say that women flock around him because he is hot, rich and handsome?\”

Now, this is the issue, most people think that it\’s the women that have belief issues but I think some men are the problem.

When you approach for just a friendly purpose, some not all see it as being flirty or desperate, they even talk about it with their friends and make selfish plans for the girl.

I remember liking a guy over eight years back. He was tall and handsome and this created butterflies in my tummy. He had all the girls around him so I knew it might be difficult to get his attention but I went ahead to make it easy and simple for him to talk to me. To cut the long story short, all the girls he had around him including myself was for one purpose; to sleep with them or rape them. God saved me actually. A story for another day.

Why I\’m saying this? It\’s okay to start a conversation as friends but asking him out is risky. It might work in other countries or work with few men but not all men. Most men take this for granted.

Another problem is, if you have been friends with a man for close to 6 months or a year and you have been very open with him, if he doesn\’t ask you out by himself, he probably doesn\’t want a relationship with you. Must you force it?

All you needed to do was to give an open cheque which he didn\’t fill. You remember Ruth gave an open cheque to Boaz, she didn\’t fill it by herself, she only gave an opportunity which he took. Why? She was also well-mannered and godly like he wanted. He had been watching her already to have enjoyed the opportunity.

What about Esther? Do you remember that the virgins went into his room and he had to pick one? If he wasn\’t satisfied, he asked for another. That\’s the point. If after dressing hot and nice, smiling, being nice, conversative, friendly, good cook and he is still not sure, please take it easy.

You see, I know some ladies went ahead to ask him out but not everyone attempt worked. A lady should feel a little of the chase. Even if he is shy, why would she start the friendship and still ask him out? I may be wrong.

If a man watches you for long and doesn\’t see any need for a committed relationship, you may not have earned it yet.

One of the disadvantage of asking him out after giving him an open opportunity via friendship is that, you will be all over him with butterflies in your tummy. The problem with this is, when a woman loves a man more, she can do and undo for him and it\’s dangerous. Her eyes would ignore all the warning signs simply because she wants him all. Sometimes, the reason why some ladies chase these men is not based on virtues but on external factor like, he is rich, popular, tall and handsome.

If you want a man to approach you, you can read it here: Ladies, 3 ways to become approachable by men

In my free video course, I explained how to get your dream partner and I also explained how a woman can put on her seductive heel without looking flirty.

Watch it here: Get your dream partner free course

If you are a man and you always have to wait for a woman to talk to you, what is wrong? You haven\’t met your taste,  you are busy or you are shy? If you want to learn about how to talk to a lady and win her heart easily, you can enroll for the video course on \”Get her like a boss: How to talk to a lady and win her heart easily.\”

The link is: Get Her Like A Boss

In all, I believe in moderation, wisdom and having the right motive. Beyond arguing over asking a man out or not, I believe a woman or man who walks in knowledge without being led by selfish desires or motives will do better than just chasing relationships.

Start by talking to someone new today, whether you are a man or woman. Challenge your beliefs. Do something new. Above all, be careful.

6 thoughts on “My Thoughts on \”Can a woman ask a man out?\””

  1. wow!!! this is awesome and powerful, thanks Adenike for this one. as a man I learned from this and will never take this opportunity for granted if it comes my way. thanks.

  2. Adebayo Adewole

    Nice write-up. I have always been a fan of African women being open and friendly and not always hostile and extra reserved.
    I think they just need to be educated more on the topic.
    Good job Adenike.

  3. Always on point, #Awesome!!!
    I honestly don’t think there’s anything wrong in approaching whoever you like, whether you’re male or female!

    However, our method(approach), intention(purpose), even appearance, and ‘carriage’ among other things would determine your ‘outcome’…(#Result #Appraisal)

    In all, moderation, simplicity, & sincerity increases your chances.


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